Dear Mr. Steinbrenner (and all your "baseball men" in Tampa),
What the hell? You're actually trying to unload one of the greatest pitchers in baseball, a first-ballot Hall of Famer? I mean, it's bad enough that for the first time since 2001 or so, you don't sign a mega-free agent. But now you're trying to get rid of the ones you have? Come on Georgie, step it up! Don't let these pencil-pushing, money-grubbing sissies in New York tell you what to do! I know they're saying you can save money - and field a better team - by signing people under the age of 35, but you and I both know that's bullshit. It's obvious to anyone who follows baseball that the only reason you guys haven't won a World Series this millennium is that you haven't signed enough people for $22M/year. This offseason, you've been outdone by the Cubs, Astros, Angels, Dodgers, and even the hated Red Sox. Hell, even the Brewers and Royals have thrown more money at free agents than you have. You can't have that, can you? No, of course you can't. So stop this silly "trade the 43-year-old" talk - maybe even sign him for 4 more years - I mean, he shut you guys down in the World Series over five years ago, so he must be awesome. And then go out and get you some more free agents! Remember: if they're expensive, that means they're really good.
P.S. Here's a tip, for free: Steve Finley's still available. He's only 41, and had 36 HR in 2004 - that's worth at least $16M right there.