Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Something's wrong...

Dear Mr. Steinbrenner (and all your "baseball men" in Tampa),

What the hell? You're actually trying to unload one of the greatest pitchers in baseball, a first-ballot Hall of Famer? I mean, it's bad enough that for the first time since 2001 or so, you don't sign a mega-free agent. But now you're trying to get rid of the ones you have? Come on Georgie, step it up! Don't let these pencil-pushing, money-grubbing sissies in New York tell you what to do! I know they're saying you can save money - and field a better team - by signing people under the age of 35, but you and I both know that's bullshit. It's obvious to anyone who follows baseball that the only reason you guys haven't won a World Series this millennium is that you haven't signed enough people for $22M/year. This offseason, you've been outdone by the Cubs, Astros, Angels, Dodgers, and even the hated Red Sox. Hell, even the Brewers and Royals have thrown more money at free agents than you have. You can't have that, can you? No, of course you can't. So stop this silly "trade the 43-year-old" talk - maybe even sign him for 4 more years - I mean, he shut you guys down in the World Series over five years ago, so he must be awesome. And then go out and get you some more free agents! Remember: if they're expensive, that means they're really good.

Sincerely yours,

P.S. Here's a tip, for free: Steve Finley's still available. He's only 41, and had 36 HR in 2004 - that's worth at least $16M right there.


  1. Also, I love Johnson's agent's ringing endorsement of the Yankees:

    "This idea that Randy doesn't want to come back, that's not exactly true."

  2. First Sheffield, now maybe Randy. The way they are dumping future Hall of Famers, you would think they are the Marlins. Well, minus World Series victories.

    Actually throw Bernie Willims into the discussion and it could be three HOFers gone from last years team - because you know there will be a lot of jackasses that think Bernie belongs in the Hall b/c of he "plays the game right," "was a winner," etc. etc.

  3. Mr. Steinbrenner's Thursday morning December 28th response, held up for 23 hours so that he would have time to read your message...
    "Well, I have to say thank you for your letter. I've tried to digest your true meaning, but frankly my baseball wheeling and dealing days might be nearing an end. In fact, I am dictating this message to you while not remembering what you said in the first place. But have no BASEBALL MEN are working on this and will be sure to get back to you well before this New Years...January 1st, 1998. Just a few days to go. I can't wait for the ball to drop!...Geo. Steinbrenner