Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Tonight's other major league debut

Earl

Relief Pitcher, Boston Red Sox

Bats Right, Throws Right
Height 6' 0", Weight 174 lb.

Debut August 22, 2006
Born November 9, 1974 in Austin,TX

Signed by the Boston Red Sox as a free agent, 45 minutes prior to game time.

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News

Making his major league debut at the age of 31, Earl was called in as an emergency relief starter prior to a late-season series against the Los Anaheim Angeles of Edison Field. His first appearance was in the second inning, relieving Kyle Snyder, with the bases loaded and no outs. He went on to not retire seventeen batters in a row, at which point Francona decided to pull him from the game. As a result, Earl's ERA is now 4th-worst in the Sox bullpen for the month of August.

Scouting Report

Signed largely because of his proximity to Anaheim, and the theory that "he can't be any worse than what we already got", Earl is essentially a junkball pitcher. This is because of his gimpy shoulder, preventing him from throwing harder than 70 mph, and the fact that he doesn't really know what the different pitches are, let alone how to throw them. While he can be terrible against righties, he is merely horrible against lefties, so he may find his new role to be that of set-up man during the Sox's stretch run. Earl's best pitches are the "intentional walk" and the "balk".

34 comments:

  1. We have faith in you Earl. Why weren't you in there after Snyder last night? You could have gotten to Little Manny without incident. Tito, listen up!!! Psycho? No. Erratic Earl is what we'll hope for. And embrace. Any shirts available yet?? Great post.

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  2. Anyhoo, that game was unfortunate. I don't understand the PH decisions: Hinske and Manny on the bench while Mirabelli and Kapler hit. Ugh.

    On the upside, we now have a pitcher whose name backwards is "Drab-bag No-sak". Pretty awesome.

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  3. The thing that really bothers me about last night is the fact the Yankees, White Sox and Twins lost...

    I still think the Red Sox can catch the White Sox for the Wild Card, but not playing like this...

    Also, if they can gain a little ground on the Yankees, there is still a 4-game series in September when Tek and Wakefield should be back...

    Oh wait...forget it...they suck...but, so, does it seems, all the others vying for the Wild Card...

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  4. Sometimes things make my head feel like Slim Pickins riding the nuke at the end of "Dr Stranglove"...BOOM!

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  5. Sometimes things make my head feel like Slim Pickins riding the nuke at the end of "Dr Stranglove"...BOOM!

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  6. Sometimes things make my head feel like Slim Pickins riding the nuke at the end of "Dr Stranglove"...BOOM!

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  7. That's right...3 comments for that!!!

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  8. You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat.

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  9. You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat.

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  10. You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat.

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  11. You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat.

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  12. You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat.

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  13. Five comments, beeyatch.

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  14. 6 feet 174lbs. Sounds like a right-handed Fossum.

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  15. Nah, Fossum's 6'1" (I'm actually 5'11 1/2", but I say 6'0" to make myself feel awesome), and is listed at 160 lbs. Meaning he's probably 145-150.

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  16. So, what you are saying is a "short, fat" Fossum...

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  17. Which, by those standards, I am like David Wells.

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  18. Yes, I am a short, fat, poor, untalented Casey Fossum.

    ...but at least I don't play for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

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  19. Right! You play for the just as competitive Boston Red Sox (who can't beat the D-Rays...)

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  20. By the way, this might be the best story EVER!!!

    oh yeah... KAPOW!!!

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