Sunday, October 23, 2005

Funny funny

Not sure why it took me this long to discover it, but the Onion has a new sports section which is (naturally) completely brilliant. The writers clearly know a lot about sports, and also clearly are serious baseball fans. Headlines include "MLB Introduces Todd Zeile Award for Participation", "Attempt To Delay Ejaculation By Thinking About Baseball Ruined By Crush On Johnny Damon", and "Fox Cancels ALCS After Just Two Episodes". But two brilliant ones include
"Bush to Throw Out First Out First Through 120th Pitch of World Series"
"We want all the players on both teams to know that if they're hit by one of the First Pitches, they should just take their base. Anyone who charges the mound will be cut down by sharpshooters equipped with suppressed MP5 submachine guns. That goes double for you, Pierzynski."

"MLB Promises Next Season Will be Even More Predictable"
"Angels first place, A's second place, Rangers third place, Mariners last place," Selig said. "Sound familiar yet? If not, get used to it, as that will be your AL West for the next 20 or so years."

21 comments:

  1. I had seen that next season will be more predictable one a few days ago. Pretty funny stuff.

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  2. McCarver bugs the crap out of me. His stupid little quips - a few of them came up last night. The one that will always stick in my head is last year "October. the time of year when ordinary Foulke, turn into Extraordinary Foulke." Ugh - shut up.

    So he just said Burke is the strange player to bat righty and throw lefty. another one who did - Ricky Henderson. Probably the best ever that did.

    Earl - did you ever cheer for the Astros when you lived in Houston?

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  3. And now "the Bridge to Lidge, may be a short span tonight." On Lidge potentially pitching the 8th and 9th tonight.

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  4. Ugh -- all horrible. I have the sound off.

    Never lived in Houston -- Austin only. Rooted for the Rangers -- been an AL person my whole life.

    [All right! White Sox get another break by bad umpiring!]

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  5. Fuckin' white sox. God I hate that team.

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  6. my bad. I thought you had lived in HOU. I don't really fault the ump on that. Sure, Dye may have struck out or made an out, but it happened. And Konerko crushed that pitch.

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  7. Wait you go from: All right! White Sox get another break by bad umpiring!]

    To: Fuckin' white sox. God I hate that team.

    I'm confused.

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  8. The first one was sarcasm. That was before the Konerko GS.

    (Pulling for the Astros.)

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  9. And yeah, it wasn't a Doug Eddings by any stretch -- it was just so obvious what was coming next. Why Phil Garner kept him in I'll never understand.

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  10. The internet never does a good job of conveying sarcasm.

    Wait a minute - you said you were always an AL guy and then that you were rooting for HOU. I'm confused again.

    Actually I'm with you for now. Not sure if I care who wins the Series, but I don't think I want CHI to sweep or anything. I would like to see Ozzie talk his way out of retiring.

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  11. Yeah, I've always followed AL teams closely (O's, then Rangers, then Red Sox). But the WS I root for whichever team I like. Which, for the last 10 years or so, has been the NL team every year except 2002 and 2004. But that's mostly because of the MFY.

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  12. Hell of a slide. Best play of the Series so far.

    Remember when the media was salivating over Jenks the last 24 hours?

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  13. I was just giving you a bit of crap. Same thing goes for me.

    Yeah, hell of a play. I thought for sure they would hold him at third but why not.

    And yeah the Jenks phenomenon was something else. I love how Buck called Vizcaino a professional hitter. Well, yeah I guess. He is a professional. and he is a hitter. Barely. Career .664 OPS and he did not even live up to that this year .246/.299/.337.

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  14. Can Konerko do something big again... He'll be up fifth in the 9th.

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  15. Pods.
    First us. Then HOU.

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  16. Not necessary. Jeez this team is ridiculous.

    Brad Lidge must be feeling really good right about now.

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  17. yeah two of the last 3 batters he's faced. Not good.

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  18. Holy crap -- earlier today I wrote Jim Caple an email criticizing his recent article, about self-pitying Red Sox fans. I just got a (semi-nasty) reply. What an ass.

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  19. Oh please share.

    Not suprising that he is an ass.

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  20. I usually don't read his crap. He is about the absolute worst writer ever. I just don't get his humor. He is not funny. I'm all for scarcasm, but he is far, far to sarcastic.

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