The reason I bring this all up now is because of this Washington Post article. I don't even know where to begin. You see, apparently "old-timer" National fans are starting to grouse about all the "bandwagoners". Seriously.
When the bandwagoners first showed up -- yapping on their cell phones, getting up for snacks during crucial at-bats and leaving two innings early to beat the traffic-- the old-timers among Washington Nationals fans tried to accept them.Okay, the reporter's definitely writing this tongue-in-cheek, so it's a joke, right? "Die-hard Nats fans" don't really feel that way, right? Um, no, apparently they do...
"For those of us who have been there since the beginning, we know that sort of magical feeling -- how much energy the team draws from the crowd," said Colin Mills, president of the Nationals fan club.
After the invasion of newcomers, he said, "That magic just wasn't there in the same way."
And according to to those who've been around since the beginning, living and dying with the Nats for almost four whole months, these newcomers -- these Johnny-come-really-really-latelys -- sound terrible.
Dave Lanham, a regular at Robert F. Kennedy Memorial Stadium, recalled a game when two men sitting near him spent inning after inning discussing a legal case. They couldn't keep track of what was happening on the field. One man asked, " 'How did Carroll get on base?' " said Lanham, referring to Nationals infielder Jamey Carroll. "I'm like, 'He walked!' " Lanham said.Okay, first off, this Lanham guy is really bad at telling stories. Secondly, while talking law at a baseball game is not cool, he's pissed because they missed one play? What a bunch of boorish ingrates. Man, I used to consider myself a reasonably good, informed baseball fan, but apparently I'm actually a bandwagoner, because I've occasionally missed a play or two, while talking, or buying beer or food, or going to the bathroom. Not to mention those times I've showed up to the park so drunk that I forgot...um, never mind.
Anyway, my point is...no wait, I don't have a point. Turning back to the article, it then describes the travails of Hugh B. Kaufman, an administrator with the Environmental Protection Agency, who has seen his share of joy and heartache following the Nats through thick and thin. He could "feel bad vibes in the air at Monday's game against the Colorado Rockies". And then
The team lost that game, 5-4, after third baseman Vinny Castilla committed an error in the ninth inning. That did it. The next morning, Kaufman aired his concerns on fan message boards, asking others whether they had seen a " 'Bad' Element Starting to Come to RFK Nats Games?"
Others on the Internet boards agreed that they had felt something strange; The crowd was "flat," "lame," "out of sync."
As you all know, I'm a stud, so I know nothing about being "flat, lame, and out of sync", but it's quite clear to me that the crowd being all those things is what caused Castilla's error. Kaufman felt he had to do something about it. And so, naturally,
"I have to find a rubber chicken," he told himself.That "boom" sound you just heard was my head exploding. As I now have no head, I am unable to comment on this article further. Thanks for reading.
Before Tuesday's game, he beheaded the chicken in a brief ceremony, then presented the decapitated bird to a pair of nearby Nationals players.